The Four Horseman that Kill Relationships

"What is causing the quarrels and fights among you?  Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?"  James 4:1

Dr. John Gottman is a marriage expert that has been able to predict divorce with 90% accuracy based on his observations of some of the behaviors within the marital relationship.  He uses biblical language to describe these as the Four Apocalyptic Horseman that come riding into the marriage, slashing and tearing the marriage apart, and ultimately destroying it.  These principles can be applied for all of marital relationships.  

• Horseman #1 - Criticism.  This is when someone is constantly pointing out someone else’s problems, weakness, short comings, or faults in an unloving or disrespectful manner. 
• Horseman #2 - Contempt.  This is being rude or disrespectful with words or actions, or using body language, eye rolling, mocking, or mimicking.  It’s trying to make the other person feel stupid, inadequate, or inferior. 
• Horseman #3 - Defensiveness.  This is about always being on the defensive, thinking, or acting in a way that indicates others are out to get them.  It’s an act of self-protection whereby the person often plays the victim and acts out to avoid being attacked. 
• Horseman #4 - Stonewalling.  This occurs when the person withdrawals, isolates, and retreats from the conflict.  

Couples Discussion 

• What horseman have you let run into your marriage to wreak havoc and destruction? 
• Discuss getting marriage counseling asap if there are two or more of these occurring on daily basis. 
• Take some time to pray for one another. 

Want to Learn More about Marriage?  Got Questions?

I am relaunching Real Life with Ryan on my personal Facebook page, which will have live videos starting with Marriage & Parenting on Thursdays at noon.  If you have questions about our current series or just about marriage and parenting, please send them over to me at www.RyanRice.org, where I have a form that you can use to ask me questions that I might use in the Facebook live events.  Join me beginning Thursday, August 25th at noon.