The Husband and His Helper


Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone;

I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Genesis 2:18, ESV


God’s word tells us that Adam was created first.  We find him alone, in a garden, working.  Then God says, “It’s not good!”  Notice that Adam did not come to that conclusion; God did!  God reveals man’s need and meets that need by creating woman! 

I recall one particularly magical moment where it all clicked for me.  I realized at that moment that she was the one for me!  It was in our dating years:  I was in a really tough season of life, struggling in business school.  There were layoffs at my work, and I was feeling a little lost as to direction.  I was likely depressed and definitely greatly discouraged.  I had a date with Leslie, and we went to one of my favorite spots along the banks of the Arkansas River near downtown Little Rock. 

That night, I was vulnerable.  I shared my heart with her and how I wanted to walk away from ministry because it was too hard.  She patiently listened and comforted me.  She kindly and confidently shared how important my role in ministry really was.  She knew what I was made for, she knew what I needed.  I needed a helper!

After that night, I’ve never looked back.  I never doubted my call ever again, and I knew Leslie was the one I needed to marry!  In that moment, I had the help I needed.  I had someone that believed in me, even when I didn’t.  It solidified for me that she was my perfect help mate in life.  I knew the road of ministry would be hard, and I didn’t want to do it alone.  Since that time, we plowed the fields of ministry together.  We have seen thousands of people come to faith in Christ, traveled internationally for missions, planted a church in the Phoenix valley, and most importantly built a family that loves and lives for Jesus.

The truth is, every man is going to struggle.  He is going to doubt himself, and he’s going to need a wife to help him get through whatever he’s going through.  Sometimes it’s a short period of time, other times it’s a long difficult season.  God has called the wife to be his helper!  Helper is the same title of the third member of the Trinity:  the Helper, the Holy Spirit, but that doesn’t mean the wife is his Holy Spirit!  She doesn’t need to try to convict him about everything by nagging and criticizing.  Rather the wife ought to help him by supporting him, encouraging him, and respecting him as a man in the world that he’s trying to conquer.  There is hardly ever a time we see great men without great ladies around them.  Even in the life of Jesus, there was a team of ministry-minded women that supported him in the greatest rescue operation ever!

In marriage, the man has a great need for a helper if he’s to serve as the head of the household, the family, and marriage, and take on that God-given responsibility.  He won’t be able to do it alone.  It’s a heavy responsibility, but Godly husbands are like tough trucks -- you can load them down and they ought to ride smoother.  Husbands are made to carry a load and bear the burdens of the family and marriage, but they still need encouragement and support from the wife. 

Husbands can’t be afraid to ask for help.  God knows a man alone isn’t good!  He didn’t design a man to lead the family without help.  The man must ask for help from his wife in any area where he’s lacking wisdom.  This may be financial, relational, or spiritual.  It’s ok, God doesn’t expect man to know everything and do everything without help.  He’s given you a helper in life to rely on and trust in.

God knows I would be a mediocre man without my wife.  I lean on her to help me in so many areas of life.  I credit her with all that I’ve been able to do.  Without her, I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish near as much!  I am proud of our ministry and marriage partnership!  It’s a team effort – she’s not only my partner in ministry but my best friend and my lover.  I rely on her help, her spiritual insight, and wisdom in navigating relationships and work on a regular basis.  Together we are co-heirs in the grace of life! 


Today’s Man Plan 

  1. Think of a few ways your wife helps you and thank her. 
  2. Ask for your wife’s ideas and insight on a regular basis. 
  3. Tell your kids and others how you’re thankful for her, too! 


Got Questions?  Want to Learn More about Marriage?  

I am relaunching Real Life with Ryan on my personal Facebook page, which will have live videos starting with Marriage & Parenting on Thursdays at noon.  If you have questions about our current series or just about marriage and parenting, please send them over to me at, where I have a form that you can use to ask me questions that I might use in the Facebook live events.  Join me beginning Thursday, August 25th at noon.