The Husband's Standard of Beauty

“For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” 

I Samuel 16:7, ESV

Where do you go to see the prettiest people in the world?  You go to Hollywood -- handsome movie stars are everywhere!  And where do you think you should go if you want to see the ugliest marriages in the world?  You nailed it!  Hollywood!  The saying is true.  Not all that glitters is gold, and the LORD doesn’t see things as we do.  He looks at the heart, not the outward appearance.  I can remember a man that came to me and said he wanted to marry this girl because she was “Soooo Beautiful!”  Yet her life was ugly!  It was a train wreck.  She was spiritually confused and in great need of years of counseling before she would be a good wife for this man.  In marrying her, he would be signing up for a long season in hell on earth.  I am glad to say he didn’t.  In fact, he married another wonderful lady who was beautiful inside and out.  He married, not just for her looks, but for her inner beauty as well!  She was godly and a good-looking girl.  

A husband must care far more about his wife’s heart than her body.  God calls the husband to “wash her with the water of the word.”  This means to spiritually encourage, build up, and edify with truth and love.  While good looks are always an important part of keeping the marriage happy and healthy, the inner beauty of a wife ought to be more important to the Christian husband. 

We live in a world of comparison.  Sexy images of women are everywhere.  From TV to social media, to magazines, to newspapers.  Sexy sells.  Men are visual, and marketers take advantage of that.  The Christian husband ought to set his standard of beauty to his wife. 

In marriage, God’s plan for the husband is his wife.  He is to love and cherish her.  He is to affirm her, encourage her, and enjoy her.  If he looks to culture for his standard of beauty, he will discourage her and disappoint himself.  He must look to God's provision for his new standard. 

Let me explain, if God has provided the Christian husband with a wife that’s skinny, he ought to love skinny.  If she is chubby, he ought to love chubby.  If she is tall, he ought to love tall.  If she is short, he ought to love short.  If she is a brunette, he ought to love a brunette  If she is a blonde, he ought to love a blonde. 

God’s standard for beauty for the husband is his wife.  The most satisfying marriages are marriages where the husband enjoys and affirms the beauty of his wife!  He cannot take his cues from culture, but rather he must take them from Christ! 

Talk It Over 

1. Ask your wife if she struggles with comparison. 
2. Reaffirm your wife’s beauty by sharing what about her is externally beautiful. 
3. Affirm and share with her what is internally beautiful. 

Got Questions?  Want to Learn More about Marriage?  

I am relaunching Real Life with Ryan on my personal Facebook page, which will have live videos starting with Marriage & Parenting on Thursdays at noon.  If you have questions about our current series or just about marriage and parenting, please send them over to me at www.RyanRice.org, where I have a form that you can use to ask me questions that I might use in the Facebook live events.  Join me beginning Thursday, August 25th at noon.